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  • Writer's pictureBlyde Storm

Is it okay to not be okay? REALLY REALLY?

I read everywhere ‘it’s okay to not be okay’ and I do agree but what I read recently is what stuck with me:

"SOMETIMES it's okay to not be okay!"

I do not want to be okay to not be okay all the time! I want to be okay and better than okay more often than I am not okay and THAT is why I have started this journey with myself.

I am not sure how far I will get with all of it but if I do not start somewhere I will never get anywhere. I do not have an end state in mind because this is a journey for me. Something I am starting and would like to carry on with!

The first high level goal I have made for myself is: Eat better, move more and feel and look better

Eat better

I am 22 days into a 100 day challenge I set for myself. I am restricting my calories and trying to make some healthier choices. So far, while not every day is perfect, things are going well.

I fast between 9pm at night and 1pm in the day and then try and eat healthy foods for the rest of the time. At least in the week! Weekends, while I try and make healthier choices than I used to, they are not as rigorous.

I aim to drink 2 litres of water a day. Do I get there? Not all the time but there are days when I do get there and beyond and I am teaching myself to increase the amount of water I drink which is meaning that I am sitting on at least 1 to 1.5 litres every day – a big increase from my coffee and cold drink intake of previous.

Am I loving it? Honestly, no… I love chocolate and sweets and fried foods and all the things that have contributed to what I called “keeping me sane”. But I am learning (SLOWLY) that while I could eat myself into a 100+ kg mess, it did not make me any happier – in fact, I got more and more depressed by what I looked at in the mirror… So the idea here is that the more healthy choices I make, the more ‘everyday’ they will become, and the more I will see differences in my body and hopefully the more I will love the healthy choices I make… It’s a weird reverse psychology thing I am trying with myself.

Move more

If I am honest, this has not been my most amazing space right now! I have a desk job and have not prioritized this enough. I am, however, trying to make sure I clean the dishes and do the washing and make the bed in the mornings so that I am using a LITTLE more energy than I used to (leaving all of this to my helper before).

I know that anyone reading this would be saying #firstworldproblems BUT the above is an accomplishment for me. I had stopped doing anything really… I hated life so much that even picking up a dish and putting it in the sink felt like the biggest task in the world. Now I am teaching myself into the habit of doing things – taking responsibility of the space around me and this has been good for me. So while it is not SO much about moving more, it is definitely getting me off the couch more!

Overall this has not been my strongest space so far this year! But as per usual, 1 step at a time!

Feel and look better

All of the above will hopefully help this one BUT I am also making a conscious effort to put makeup on, brush my hair and use face creams and the like. This might sound silly to the average woman but after a significant amount of time where due to anxiety and depression, this was overlooked for me, this is a big step for me.

Am I doing this ALL the time? No. But, YET again, small steps and this is becoming more and more of a routine for me which hopefully will form habits and contribute to me feeling a lot better about myself!

I am also trying to really WEAR my clothes CONFIDENTLY rather than worry about every wobble and roll and only noticing the ugly parts of myself.

I have a long way to go on this as well and one day maybe I will be able to post my before and afters (although the befores are LIMITED at best because avoiding cameras is my super power at the moment!)

I will go through all my other goals on my LIST!!!! in other posts and obviously keep track of all of them and even share how I am tracking things (because my OCD STILL needs the lists and the checkboxes despite this being an organic journey!)

But for now I am doing what I can, to stick to where I am going, even though all I know about where I am going is it is up from where I am!

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